Utter and Ultimate Passion of a Bajillion Suns
by krizzlybear
Summary: oneshot of total crack. They both wore glasses, so that seemed be enough of a reason to make out with each other. That, and they were both totally hot for each other. Dedicated to Shino and Karin fans EVERYWHERE.


Author's Note – ShinoKarin. Yes. It works. Trust me. I don't care what you say. Crackfic, obviously. I'm sorry if I offend fans of the other girl characters, because I sorta bash some of them. I don't really mean it, particularly Ino. InoShino is my OTP, but I just needed an excuse why it wouldn't work out.

Anyways, I wrote this for the lulz, and I don't really care if there are spelling/grammar/canon errors. So everyone who has a problem with it, well, iunno, I kinda forgot what I was talking about.

Disclaimer – Naruto and everything belong to Masashi Kishimoto.

--

Normally, it was always Shikamaru who fought against women, but this time it was Shino's turn.

"Oh, Naruto has already chased down Sasuke, How troublesome. Kiba will take on Jugo, and Chouji will fight Suigetsu." Shikamaru looked at Shino with a sneaky grin. "Shino, since I've been fighting women all my life, I'll leave Karin to you this time around."

Shino sighed. The first action that he's gotten in years (ninja fighting, you sick, sick, people) while in a team with his friends, and he was ordered to fight a girl.

_Great_, he thought. _As if I were having enough girl problems already_. What Shino really meant by this was that he had spent most of his life crushing on all the wrong women. Hinata was clearly in love with Naruto. His sexy Jonin sensei, Kurenai, was 6 months pregnant with her dead lover's baby. Sakura had the worst cases of PMS that rivaled her sensei Tsunade's violent temper. Tenten had a freaky sexual fetish with weapons that made even Neji cringe at times. And Ino? Well, Ino was blonde, period.

And it wasn't just the girls that were the source of his romantic failures. It was his kikai as well. There were times when he would woo a civilian woman, only to have her freak out at his bugs, and running off into the horizon. Even women who thought bugs were turn-ons were failed attempts. The heat between the two would be so intense that the kikai would literally suck the chakra out of the poor victim, leaving her unconscious, even dead sometimes.

And this Karin was someone that Shino didn't really know much about. Regardless of whether or Shino could seduce her, he had the displeasure of having to kick her butt into the next life. How unfortunate. He could at least try, right?

"Alright guys, let's move out."

Saddened, Shino began jumping from branch to branch, following his comrades to the scene of an epic battle already taking place between Naruto and Sasuke. The other members of Team Hawk idly stood by, watching the two duke it out for not only the glory of their respective dreams, but for the millions of fangirls who watched their series and read their mangas every day.

And there she stood, Karin, the red-headed, killer kunoichi of Team Hawk.

Shino eyed her from afar, up and down. Her short, red hair, flared about like nobody's business. Her angled frame glasses were chic, and gave off a sexy secretary-type vibe that Shino enjoyed. She had a yellow suede jacket that slit up her front in the middle, revealing a juicy navel. She wore short, black, leather shorts that bore legs that stretched out all the way to next Sunday. _Good God Shino! Get a hold of yourself!_

Karin eyed the battle with intent, but felt a sudden presence in chakra. She looked to her right, and noticed a small group of Leaf ninja, one in particular, drooling all over himself.

"Looks like we've got company," she said to the others.

And sure enough, they ended up fighting, pairing up against each other as Shikamaru planned. That meant Shino was against Karin, fortunately now.

The two of them ran off into a secluded area of the woods surrounding Konoha. They both took a battle stance. Shino grinned, aware of his advantage.

"Now look," he said. "We both know how this fight is going to end, so I'll give you two options."

Karin stared blankly, slightly relaxing her stance.

"Either you lose to me, and probably die," he said, followed by a cheeky grin, "or become the mother of my children."

Not exactly the most orthodox way to pick up a girl, but it has worked before.

Karin continued staring blankly, and soon after, she started laughing loudly, punctuated by an accidental snort here and there.

"HAHAHA! You think I would fall for you _that _easily?"

"Yes."

"Oh _please_! Sasuke is _my _man! Now and forever!" She drooled.

This time it was Shino who laughed and snorted.

"Sasuke? _Really_? I'm twice the man he is. And none of the emo."

He made a very brief, yet strong argument. Karin wasn't fully convinced, and was mad instead. Her face was almost as red as her hair, which was also quite hot.

"You talk too much, She-no!" _Burn_! She thought to herself. "You don't have the brooding stoic-ness of my dream babe!"

"Oh yeah? Watch!"

In a flash Shino took off his jacket, and with a primal frenzy, ripped his shirt. For the sake of Shino fangirls everywhere, he bore washboard abs, and a chizzled chest with rock hard pecs. He coolly removed his sunglasses and stared sensuously at Karin with his deep, darkened eyes. "Now, try and talk to me."

Karin's jaw dropped. She stuttered a bit, sounding a lot like Hinata now. "D-Don't think that a s-s-sexy body like that will make me ch-change my mind about…um…what's his name again?"

"Hn."

Annoyed, she burst out, "Oh, don't you start talking like Sasuke! (_Oh yeah that's his name!_) Or at least, in the way he's portrayed in most fanfiction! People in real life don't actually say 'Hn', you know?"

"Ah."

"Shut up! Can you even hear yourself talking? Just try saying it out loud! You sound like a total idiot!"

"…"

And with a passion of a million fireball jutsus, she grabbed onto him and threw him down into a nearby bush. "Take me! Take me now!"

They totally made out. At first it wasn't really that comfortable, since they were both pretty much half-naked, and there were thistles everywhere. Shino was used to it, since he had insects crawling inside him all the time. Speaking of which, Karin had a fetish for bugs, so that sorta worked out, didn't it?

But soon, when they started their second go at it, they kept bumping their glasses together.

"Shit, these are prescription! Can I take 'em off, Shino, baby?"

"Leave them on."

She obeyed, because he was that hot. And rich too, from all the missions he did as a shinobi. He could easily pay for a new pair if they ended up together. Which they did, of course, otherwise there would be no point to this pairing at all.

And they kept making out long after the others had finished their battles. Naruto won the main battle of course, because it was canon, but Sasuke still had more fangirls, because he was the hotter of the two. But that's beside the point. The half-naked pair made out for so long, Shino was even declared a missing-nin for some time, until he came home, with hickies all over his body.

Team Hawk departed from Konoha, defeated. Karin and Shino would meet up again someday. And when they did, they were of legal age of consent, as per the rules of , and they made a million babies. Fanboys and fangirls everywhere took a cold shower after reading about it in Jiraiya's new romance novel starring the two, saving money on their gas bill, thus ending global warming. The end.


End file.
